So last year, when I still worked at BuzzFeed, I did a video about trying a DNA Fitness analysis program called Fitness Genes. At the time that I did it I was at my heaviest weight in the last 10 years, and also in a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. For those of you that didn't watch the video, Fitness Genes was a truly revolutionary experience for me, and I managed to lose 11 lbs in the first 30 days of doing the program.
Excited to share my journey with my then boyfriend, one day we cozied on up on his couch and I pulled up the video to show him. So we’re watching the beginning where I’m talking about my past, and this slight tingle of insecurity pricks at the roof of my mouth as my tongue rubs hard against the ridges because these horrible photos of me pop up on screen. And let me tell y’all, these photos aren’t necessarily bad because I’m fat, but more so because during that time in my life, I literally only wore matching, obscenely bright-colored tracksuits (LOL). And don’t get me started on my bangs.
But if I’m also being real, a little part of it was also because I was afraid of him suddenly thinking that if I ever stopped working out, then I would go back to looking like that, and he would no longer want me. It was a hard thought to stomach at the time because I knew I was a body positive feminist who shouldn't feel fear about her body potentially changing in the future because we’re human, and it happens.
But it was also an even more interesting thought to have considering that when me and my ex first met, I was probably somewhere between 188-193 lbs; the heaviest I’d been in the last 10 years. And I can honestly say he loved and caressed every inch of it, and never made me feel weird about my size even though he weighed less than me. He’s actually one of the very few people that I would feel confident in saying that he would love me unconditionally at any size. And yet still, I found myself experiencing this fat guilt; like I wanted to apologize for having let myself get that way at some point in my life, but also reassure him that he would never have to worry about it happening again.
I think everyone gets embarrassed at showing old photos of themselves, but there’s just something about when you used to be fat. It’s like a double-whammy of embarrassment; or I guess it’s the routine embarrassment of the weird shit you did/wore in your past, and then the fat guilt. And I guess fear as well; the fear that they are willing to accept you now that you’re at a tolerable size, but then that they will always be nervous about you potentially slipping back.
And then on top of all of that, I also realized that it was the first time that I told him about my disordered eating problems, which comes with a whole other bag of emotions to deal with because you feel like people are going to overly scrutinize when you eat, and how much you eat (another blog post for another time). So we continue to make it through the video, and as the pre-30 day stats pop up on screen, which have my weight listed on them, I suddenly feel those pricks of insecurity that I was feeling in my mouth earlier spread throughout my entire body like as if I were covered in fire ants. My skin felt like it was radiating a sweltering heat, and my head felt like I was in an invisible neck brace that had my head locked into place, and unable to look over to my boyfriend. Now while I know I said my ex would love me unconditionally at any size (and I truly did believe that), for some reason I just couldn’t shake this wave of insecurity. Then suddenly my mind became flooded with beliefs that I didn't even realize that I had been harboring for all these years. "Coming to this realization annoyed the fuck out of me. Why was I so self-conscious about him knowing how much I weighed? Why did I fear the possibility of him putting on the "heavy goggles" when he looked at me by knowing my weight ?"
I remember thinking that there was something about not knowing what your weight number was that made “loving you at any size” a possibility. I suddenly acknowledged that I had this weird belief in my head that by my boyfriend not knowing my weight number this somehow made me look skinnier to him; that there was something about putting a number to it that would suddenly make me look heavier, which came with a subtle-not-so-subtle implication of unattractiveness.
Coming to this realization annoyed the fuck out of me. Why was I so self-conscious about him knowing how much I weighed (especially when I literally just showed the entire internet with no problem)? Why did I fear the possibility of him putting on the "heavy goggles" when he looked at me by knowing my weight (also given the fact that we started dating while I was at my heaviest)? And more importantly, why did my body looking heavier in my eyes always correlate with being unattractive, as I've known plenty of heavier set women in my life who I truly believe look bangin af? For some reason, it was always so hard to see the beauty I see on them within myself. This moment made me realize how rare, and often, taboo it was (and still is) for women to talk about how much they weigh, especially in a dating/relationship context. Even though I don't think you should have to share how much you weigh with your bae (or anyone), I also don't think you should have anything to fear if you do end up in a situation where they find out. It makes me sad to think about how much stress I put on myself in that moment, when my ex literally couldn't have given a damn.
We literally finished the video, he complimented me on how well it came out, gave me a kiss, and we went on with our day. He never looked at me funny, or made me feel weird about what I ate. He never put pressure on me to maintain a certain look. He just continued to love, and accept me for who I was. So why, given that I was in a loving and accepting relationship environment, did I still feel so much stress and discomfort about sharing my weight?
Why the fuck did I care so much? I remember this saying growing up that you never ask a woman about her age, her weight, and her height (although I'm not so sure about the last one). And now, as someone that is growing older and starting to question things that I’ve been blindly following for all these years, I gotta be real and say that I hate how as women we are taught to fear, hide and despise our weight. I hate that we are taught to always see shame in the number that the scale reflects back at us, regardless of how big or how small we are. I have been a multitude of sizes throughout my whole life, and unfortunately, the one unifying experience about all the sizes I’ve been is that I never felt good or desirable at any of them until most recently. In every picture I took in my past I always felt like I had this never ending 10 lbs to lose; that my true beauty was being covered underneath those constantly lingering 10 lbs. And this feeling of discomfort is even more interesting to me given that I've almost never looked the same despite being the same weight at different points in my life. The way I looked at 193 this last time around is astronomically different than how I looked like at 193 as a teenager. I feel like there are so many subconscious, and oftentimes, untruthful associations with someone’s weight and their physical capabilities that have played into my feelings of discomfort.
Left: Me at around 190-200 lbs in middle school (possibly 2005). Right: Me at around 190-195 in 2017.
"He never looked at me funny, or made me feel weird about what I ate. He never put pressure on me to maintain a certain look. He just continued to love, and accept me for who I was. So why, given that I was in a loving and accepting relationship environment, did I still feel so much stress and discomfort about sharing my weight?"
Like some people think someone who’s close to 200 lbs hates walking, has no stamina, and is ridiculously out of shape. I don't drive. So I usually walk everywhere I need to go, and I remember a time that a guy friend who was probably around 10-20 lbs lighter than me complain about walking like 3 blocks to go to a taco truck.
I have literally gone out dancing for hours, and maybe stopped for a break once or twice. And this is all while I was in 190 lbs range. Now to preface this, I’ve built a lot of muscle underneath my fat all these years since I first started working out. So I was definitely a different 190 than someone who doesn't work out at all. But if anything, it adds to my point that the literal number you weigh has no correlation to your capabilities. Are you going to find a woman that is 190 and out of shape, sure? But just because that is possible doesn’t mean that you won’t find a woman that is 190, and could out run you in a marathon. So again why, knowing this, was I still so stressed to share it? Maybe it was from that time when I found out during my senior year in college that there used to be an old tradition where graduating women would post their height and weight in the school newspaper for a prospective husband to “size” them up. And maybe it was also the fact that I found out that the tradition only stopped in the 80s (literally only 30 years ago). I think even though I was lucky to be in such a body positive relationship, my discomfort about sharing my weight reflected how deep those old patriarchal traditions and attitudes still affected me. Despite my ex-boyfriend's actions, I think I felt like deep down he had to (whether consciously or subconsciously) care about what my weight was and what it implied because of the historical context of knowing about these kinds of traditions, and just knowing in general how much society is obsessed with scrutinizing a woman's weight.
I remember taking these photos back in 2015 at 160, and telling myself I just had 5 more pounds to lose... #SocietyGotMeFuckedUp
But in many ways I'm appreciative of this experience because it also made me see just how subconscious some of these problematic societal norms were, and how deeply they lived within myself. It made me realize how important it is for even body positive folks to acknowledge where they, too can have dormant patriarchal thoughts that might be secretly enforcing their own oppression.
While my ex and I are no longer together for other reasons, I am proud of my ability to acknowledge that I was the main source of a lot of my weight insecurities within our relationship. I'm proud to know that I could recognize what was him and what was me, and that I did not make him out to be the source of my problems just because of my knowledge of those traditional societal standards. While society still plays a huge role in why I harbor those negative thoughts about my weight being known in the public space, and has a lot of work to do in adapting its attitudes about women's weight in the public space, this experience has also equally highlighted for me the importance of us as women to be in conversation with ourselves about the times in which we might be sourcing and reinforcing our insecurities. Just because men have traditionally created these insecurities doesn't always mean that they are the ones that are enforcing it. And if we truly want to "smash the patriarchy" as we say so much on social media, sometimes that also means having the humility to dig a little bit deeper into our body positive feminist selves. As products of the patriarchy, we also need to become comfortable with acknowledging the fact that we might hold conflicting ideologies within us , and but humble ourselves to find the solution that allows us to do and be better.
Me at 170 lbs of unapologetic thickness!
I don't think that you should share anything that you're not comfortable sharing, but I would like to propose that as a society we could work on getting to a place where the idea of sharing our weight doesn't make us do mental gymnastics, and feels as casual as putting in your coffee order.
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Hi Queens! It's time for another episode of Real Talk Love Therapy! YAAASS!!
Real Talk Love Therapy is our new podcast where we hope to create a productive space of discussion to challenge traditionally held views about love, and redefine what it means to be a millennial navigating love, sex, and relationships from a POC perspective. You can read more about it by clicking the button below!
So if you're someone that dates in this day and age (especially online), then I'm sure you've run into one of these...And I'm many of us know that there's nothing worse than this conundrum...So for this week's episode, we finally decided to dig a little deeper into the anatomy of a fuckboy so as to help those in our lives that might be "unaware" of their fuckboy tendencies.
And I couldn't think of a better guest other than BuzzFeed producer, and the ultimate slayer of Instagram and fuckboys, Ryann Graham (@gudguyryry)!Eli definitely felt triggered right off the jump... but that was to be expected.But overall, Ryann provide us with a lot of insight into the types of fuckboys he's dealt with as he has explored dating in LA, as well as his thoughts on how men can try to do better.Check out our full conversation by clicking on the button below!
So what are your thoughts about this week's episode?
Don't forget to share your thoughts with us on social media!
That's it for this week's episode! Make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud or iTunes, and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions.
Click the button below to subscribe, and never miss out on any of the ridiculousness that happens during our shoots.
ALSO PLEASE PLEDGE TO OUR PATREON (If you can)!
Eli and I have had such an amazing time producing Real Talk Love Therapy! And after reading your feedback in which people have asked for longer videos, merchandise, and live recording sessions, we want to make ALL of this happen, but part of how we can do that is through your monetary support. We have pledges starting at a dollar/month, and any contribution you can make will be greatly appreciated. Here's to the future of world tours and more!
We'll catch y'all next week on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch!
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Hey Queens! Welcome back to another episode of Real Talk Love Therapy.
So this episode is on a much deeper topic than what we usually cover, but after being reminded about an unfortunate story that I (Daysha) heard about after going back to her high school to do an assembly with current students, she realize that RTLT would be great platform to discuss the issue.
So back in March, I was invited to do an assembly at my high school, which was also a private day/boarding school. In addition to doing the assembly, I was also invited to many different student groups and classes to interact with students. One of the highlights of my trip was getting to hang out with the women of color alliance that had formed in recent years.
And while they weren't the ones to share the story with me, it was very clear through the conversations that we had that this event that I will share with you had severely impacted their feelings of desirability and self worth in the dating sphere, particularly among men of color.
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So to make a long toxic story very short, a black female student and a white male student at the school decided to hook up with each other. And when the white male student went back to his male of color friends to talk about his experience, they told him, “it sucks that you had to stoop to sleeping with the help.”
Yes. I'm not playing. Young men of color said about their own, “it sucks that you had to stoop to sleeping with the help.”
Eli was pretty shocked...
I, on the other hand, when I first heard it was hurt, but not that surprised.
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So it was from this story that we got into a deeper exploration of the tension between men and women of color and the dating space, and wondering whether or not black/ brown love has become a fantasy in 2018 and beyond ?
Check out our full conversation by clicking on the button below!
So what are your thoughts about this week's episode? Do you think that black and brown love has now become or is turning into a fantasy? Or do you think like Eli, and believe that we are entering into a new phase of what black and brown love looks like?
How important is it to you to marry or date someone within your own race? Is that a personal desire of yours, or do you feel a sense of society/community pressure to do so?
And how do you think we can relieve the tension amongst men and women of color in the dating space?
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That's it for this week's episode! Make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud or iTunes, and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions.
ALSO PLEASE PLEDGE TO OUR PATREON (If you can)!
We'll catch y'all next week on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
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Hi Queens! I hope you're ready to get comfy on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch again this week!
So is anyone familiar with The 5 Love Languages?
For those of you that are not familiar, it is a relationship assessment quiz that is meant to help you further understand how to give and receive love from those around you.
And while the information is typically used in a romantic context, you can also use the information learned to further deepen your other interpersonal, non-romantic relationships as well.
So for this week's episode, we decided to invite my good friend Vanessa Parish onto the couch since she read the book as a teen to help with communication issues that she was having with her mother.
If you love watching Tasty, then Vanessa might look a little familiar to you because she was the host of Tasting Our Roots, the cooking web series that I directed and produced for Tasty last year.
So how The 5 Love Languages work is that there are five key components to love that author, Gary Chapman, outlines in his New York Times best-selling book. The five love languages are:
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Acts Of Service
- Words Of Affirmation
- Receiving Gifts
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Eli found out that he was very big on words of affirmation. He really likes it when his partner can take the time to notice what he's doing, and pay him a compliment about it.
Vanessa then highlighted for us that one of the biggest problems that couples will learn about after doing The 5 Love Languages is that people often give love in the way in which they like to be loved. But in order for The 5 Love Languages to truly enhance your interpersonal relationships, you would, ideally, need to share how you like to be loved with others, and be open to giving love in the way that others like to be loved.
And after this last relationship, Eli didn't feel like he had it in him to love someone who's primary love languages were different from his. In the future, he hopes to find someone that has a complementary love language to him.
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Me and Vanessa, on the other hand, had quality time, acts of service, and words of affirmation rated very high on our results.
What was interesting about taking my love language quiz this time around is that the order of my love languages changed from when I took the quiz 6 months ago.
When I took the quiz back in December, my top rated love language was words of affirmation. It is from this difference that I started to wonder if your love language can evolve based on where you are at in life?
Vanessa, ultimately, let us know that loving someone that has a different love language than you doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. She is currently in a 4-year relationship with her girlfriend Jade, who has receiving gifts as her primary love language.
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Check out our full conversation by clicking on the button below!
So what are your thoughts on The 5 Love Languages? Have you ever used them before, and how likely do you think they would be to help you enhance your relationship?
Please feel free to share your experience with The 5 Love Languages with us on social media or in the comments below!
And which one of these ice cream flavors would you Scroll, Double Tap or DM?
Let us know your thoughts on this week's episode, or your Scroll, Double Tap, or DM combination on social media by tagging us (@itselivazquez @yesqueenlife @dayshaveronica), and using the hashtag, #RealTalkLoveTherapy.
Don't forget to tag 3 friends when you submit your Scroll, Double Tap, or DM combination on social media in order to win a chance at being a special guest on a future episode.
That's it for this week's episode! Make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud or iTunes, and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions.
ALSO PLEASE PLEDGE TO OUR PATREON (If you can)!
We'll catch y'all next week on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
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It's that time of the week again, Queens!
It's time for some Real Talk Love Therapy!
This week's episode is all about breakups, and exploring whether or not they always have to end in a hot mess?
So Eli and I (Daysha) both just got out of long-term relationships, and found that our breakups were quite “pleasant”... Well as pleasant as a breakup can be anyway.
But we also recognized that this time around we were the ones that ended the relationships we were in. So we decided to dig into our relationship past to see if there was a time that we had been broken up with, and whether or not it was better to be the person being broken up with or the person initiating the breakup?
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I personally prefer being broken up with because I have my post-breakup routine down to a T!
I also know that I'm really good at being able to pick myself back up again, whereas ending a relationship is much harder for me because I hate the guilt of feeling like I'm hurting someone that I loved.
Eli was out here trying to tell bold face lies that he's never been broken up with before, when in actuality he got broken up with once when he was in middle school.
But for the most part he finds that he tends to be the one that ends his relationships, because he's not into them anymore. So he is trying to work on figuring out why he tends to lose interest so fast.
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But he brought up a good point about how important family can be in shaping your attitudes towards dating and relationships, as his grandma was very averse to him and other members in the family dating.
We also talked about how likely it was for breakups to come out of nowhere, or if it was possible for someone to not see their breakup coming?
So do you think breakups always have to be messy?
What has your break up experience been like? Let us know your best and worst breakup story either in the comments or on social media!
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That's it for this week's episode! Make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud or iTunes, and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions like the one below.
We'll catch y'all next week on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
If you like what you read, please share, like, comment, and subscribe to our email list!
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Hi my Queens! Who's in the mood for some Real Talk Love Therapy?
YAAASS QUEENS! Well you're in luck because we got a fresh new episode for ya!
So for this week's episode, we're moving Eggplant Friday to Thursday, as Eli and I decided to explore the world of dick pics and sexting!
And we couldn't think of a guest more perfectly suited to bring us into this world other than Pero Like’s Curly Velasquez!
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Curly and I go waaaaaay back to when he used to work in the kitchen at BuzzFeed, and I was a little baby intern.
You might recognize Curly from a few of these classic BuzzFeed hits...
OMG LOOK AT BABY CURLY AND BABY ELI!
So as you can see from the “How Much Does Your Penis Size Matter?” video, Curly is certainly no stranger when it comes to talking about dicks.
And he loves a good dick pic, especially when they get slid into his DMs... as long as you're older than 25 tho.
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And given that I've never gotten one, and Eli very rarely sends them, we decided to let Curly school us on the art of sending a good dick pic...
And BOY did we learn!
Check out our full conversation by clicking on the button below!
Conversation Highlights:
- The gay community is thirsty for some Eli apparently lol.
- Curly is currently in a state of evolution about his feelings towards dick pics; there was a time in his life where he felt like no dick pic could ever be considered unsolicited. And while he still enjoys them, he's more interested now. in seeking out a long-term relationship, and doesn't think that sending a dick pic prior to being at least "4 conversations deep" is the sign of someone that is dating material.
"At this point I've seen so many dicks that they're like lil' snowflakes"-- Curly
- Curly mentions that of the guys that he's hooked up with that also identify as being primarily straight, many of them like to be bottomed because they are intrigued by the role reversal. This lead us to talk about the difference between fucking (aka inserting) vs being fucked (penetration).
- Curly loses it every time Eli says the word, “dick” and Daysha is in fear for her couch, because there might be a giant cum stain on it by the time the recording is over lol.
- Eli talks about how he has sent a dick pic, but never unwarranted, and can't fathom how other guys can send them randomly. He usually waits for his female partner to ask for them.
- Never in our dying day would we have ever believed that Daysha and Eli I could come to an agreement about something, but that day has come. They both agreed that dicks look ugly AF.
“We live in the internet age where you don't want your dick pics to be leaked, but I feel like if mine did I might have a boyfriend by now.” -- Curly
- Eli brings up how girls have way more to work with in terms of sexting, but that for guys it really is only about their dick. Daysha and Curly wonder about whether or not butt pics for guys would also work?
- Curly gives us the scoop on what are his favorite ways to verify if a guys dick game is strong from their dick pic.
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So how do you feel about dick pics/sexting?
Are you a dick pic/sexting virgin like me, or are you a *consenting* seasoned pro?
What do you think are the best ways to craft a dick pic/a sext?
And which one of these dick pics would you Scroll, Double Tap or DM?
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Let us know your thoughts on this week's episode, or your Scroll, Double Tap, or DM combination on social media by tagging us (@itselivazquez @yesqueenlife @dayshaveronica), and using the hashtag, #RealTalkLoveTherapy.
Don't forget to tag 3 friends when you submit your Scroll, Double Tap, or DM combination on social media in order to win a chance at being a special guest on a future episode.
That's it for this week's episode! Make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud or iTunes, and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions.
We'll catch y'all next week on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
- Real Talk Love Therapy: EP 3- What Is The Best/Worst Way To Ask Someone Out?
- Real Talk Love Therapy: EP 2- Career vs Relationships... Can You Really Only Have One Or The Other?-- Featuring Becky Harris
- Unapologetically Fashionable: 3 Tips To Consider Before Buying Your Next Workout Outfit That Will Help Build Your Self-Confidence At The Gym
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If you like what you read, please share, like, comment, and subscribe to our email list!
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Hi Queens! It's our favorite time of the week again!
So check it... I (Daysha) was working out at the gym a few weeks ago. I was specifically on the treadmill, with my earbuds popped in, probably listening to some Cardi B or Demi Lovato song to hype up me through my 30 min morning walk.
And then out of the corner of my eye I see some guy starting to walk towards me...
I see that he wants to speak with me, so I pop out one earbud assuming that he wants to know when I'll be done with the treadmill.
But of course the first thing I hear out of his mouth is "You know I think you're that underrated kind of cute..."
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And after I let him carry on with his slightly offensive diatribe about how no one else in the world could appreciate my beauty the way he did, he finally went in for the ask.
Since I was in a relationship at the time, I declined the offer and let him know that I was boo'ed up already.
But then he did the thing that I'll never understand why people do it...
After expressing romantic interest in me, and being declined, he then tried to ask for my number... as "friends."
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But really though... FRIENDS? That's what we doing?
So for this week's episode, I wanted to talk about what are some of the best ways to hit on someone...
What are some of the worst ways to hit on someone (hint: it definitely involves touching a woman by herself on the street at night)...
And why is it so hard for us to handle rejection?
So don't miss out on all of the #RealTalk happening on the #RTLT couch this week!
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Check out our full conversation by clicking on the button below!
Conversation Highlights:
- Eli talks about how hearing the phrase "men are trash" used to offend him (Daysha would say triggered), but that now with so many lady friends in his life telling him about their horrific dating experiences, he's starting to be understand about the phrase.
- Eli thinks it might be because of guys having low confidence in the outcome of asking women out. So they shoot their shot with the "might-as-well-do-whatever-since-she's-never-gonna-say-yes" attitude. This frustrates Daysha, who could totally see this answer being the case, but being a psych nerd, also brings up the impact of self-fulfilling prophecy theory.
"So if you go into that situation saying 'oh I'm probably never gonna get it with this girl so let me just do it in whatever which way I want to cuz it's never gonna happen... There's a good chance it's not going to happen because you went into it with the mindset that it was never going to happen." -- Daysha
- Eli talks about how the "nice guys" are too shy about asking women out for the fear of being rejected, and how assholes are giving men overall a bad rep. He has just recently started to be more assertive when picking up women, and he talks about how his fear of rejection was holding him back for a long time.
- Daysha talks about how she enjoys asking men out because she feels like it gives her more power, and allows her to maintain a sense of respect that she feels like she looses when men ask her out. But with women asking men out not being a popular cultural practice, she still finds herself being asked out disrespectfully.
"The way that you ask me out is already going to tell me [about] the nature of the relationship. Because if you ask me out disrespectfully then there's a good chance you're probably going to treat me disrespectfully throughout the relationship"-- Daysha
- Eli likes to offer up his number to the girl he's interested in to help lessen the fear of unwanted/disrespectful messages. He also likes to, what he calls "plant seeds of interest" in the minds of the women he's interested in, to which Daysha interprets as...
"Just learn how to take no as no. Otherwise tomorrow you're just gonna be that weirdo creepy guy that all of her friends are gonna talk about at brunch the next day." -- Eli
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So what's your thoughts? What do you think are some of the best or worst ways that y'all have been hit on?
Do you think it will ever be possible to make consent sexy? How do you think we should try to do that?
And lastly, how do you feel about having hour long episodes?
And don't forget to let us know your thoughts on this week's episode on social media by tagging us (@itselivazquez @yesqueenlife @dayshaveronica), and using the hashtag, #RealTalkLoveTherapy.
Also make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud or iTunes, and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions.
We'll catch y'all next week on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
- Real Talk Love Therapy: EP 2- Career vs Relationships... Can You Really Only Have One Or The Other?-- Featuring Becky Harris
- Real Talk Love Therapy: EP 1-Welcome and Why Aren't Eli and Daysha Dating?
- Unapologetically Fashionable: 3 Tips To Consider Before Buying Your Next Workout Outfit That Will Help Build Your Self-Confidence At The Gym
If you like what you read, please share, like, comment, and subscribe to our email list!
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Welcome back, Queens!
For this week's episode, since Eli and I are super hustlers out here grinding non-stop, but both in long term relationships with partners that have more of a 9-5 energy (and thus more time to focus on the relationship), we decided to tackle the age old question of whether or not it's possible to realistically manage a successful career, and a successful relationship at the same time, or if you really do have to choose one or the other.
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We had a very special guest this time to help us pull apart this age-old dilemma...
So as you can see from Becky's video background, she is the Queen of all things that have to do with love, relationships, and feelings.
But being the fierce Boss Queen that she is, and having just gotten out of a 5 year relationship, Becky is wresting with the idea of whether or not it makes sense to date seriously any time soon since having a successful career is really important to her, and her last relationship really made her feel like she had to choose being good at one or the other.
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So she decided to stop by the Real Talk Love Therapy couch with me (Daysha) and Eli to get some opinions.
And seeing that it's Eli and I, you know she definitely left with a lot of them LOL.
Check out our full conversation by clicking on the button below!
Conversation Highlights:
- Daysha was Becky's intern at one point, and Eli was Daysha's intern at one point while at BuzzFeed. Talk about coming full circle.
- Becky thought she found the love/career sweet spot by having her significant other (who also happened to be an actor) appear in a lot of her videos so that she could feel like she was spending time with him.
- Eli claimed that he was jaded AF being the child of divorced parents, and Becky hit him with the #realtalk, and said "I know." LOL. #ComingForTheJugular
"You're the character that we hope arcs in act III." -- Becky to Eli
- Becky is "very single," and all about being about herself, but genuinely scared that she might have to choose one or the other (career or relationship) in the future because of her last relationship.
- Daysha wants to believe that you can have it all, but it's about carving out what matters most to you right now.
- Eli believes that self-fulfillment, and going after your passions should trump having a significant other.
- Becky wants to believe that a plausible case can be made for one's ability to have both, but also can't help but feel that, realistically, it's just not possible.
"I fear that when you become really happy in a relationship, you no longer have that hunger [to go after what you want]."-- Becky
- Eli notices that he tends to date women that have a 9-5, work-to-live mentality, and is curious about what it would be like to date someone with a similar hustler's spirit.
- Becky brings up how hard it could potentially be to be a hustler dating a hustler because when you might be going through a rough patch, and your hustling partner is going through a good patch, this could arouse feelings of envy, as well as making you feel lonely because your partner might be unavailable when you need comfort. So she believes that there is an understandable reason why hustlers end up with 9-5ers, but wonders if there is true longevity in such a pair?
- Daysha struggles with the guilt she feels knowing that she doesn't have a ton of time in her week to devote to her partner as she is building Yes Queen and preparing for grad school in the fall, as well as her drastically different outlook on love vs career from her teenage years when she felt like a failure for graduating high school as student body president, and not as someone's girlfriend.
"I think I'm challenging so many things that had been ingrained in me since I was a kid, that I thought would make me happy, and that I've [recently] come up against, and I'm realizing don't make me any happier." -- Daysha
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So what's your thoughts? Do you think it's actually possible to manage having a successful career and relationship at the same time? Or will it always be one or the other?
Do you think two hustlers could survive being a relationship together? Or a hustler and a 9-5er?
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And lastly, why is Eli so salty towards Michael Bae Jordan?
Let us know your thoughts on this week's episode, or your Scroll, Double Tap, or DM combination on social media by tagging us (@itselivazquez @yesqueenlife @dayshaveronica), and using the hashtag, #RealTalkLoveTherapy.
Don't forget to tag 3 friends when you submit your Scroll, Double Tap, or DM combination on social media in order to win a chance at being a special guest on a future episode.
That's it for this week's episode! Make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud or iTunes, and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions.
We'll catch y'all next week on the Real Talk Love Therapy couch with our special guest, Curly Velasquez, taking us deep into the world of dick pics!
You don't want to miss this one!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
If you like what you read, please share, like, comment, and subscribe to our email list!
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Hi Queens! Welcome to the first episode of Real Talk Love Therapy! YAAASS!
For our first episode, we knew that we wouldn't be able to get much done unless we answered our most frequently asked question... “why aren't Eli and Daysha dating?”
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But before we got into that, we first discussed the origins behind the podcast, and how it came to be.
I promptly replied...
And then we finally got into the question that everyone wanted to know the answer to… “why aren't we dating?”
I, personally, thought the answer was pretty simple...
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Eli, on the other hand, thinks that us dating would be an emotional World War III, and he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it.
Check out this behind-the-scenes moment of our recording session as we talked about why we think us dating wouldn't work.
Here is the whole podcast episode so you can decide for yourself.
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So what do you think about our responses as to why we're not dating? Let us know on social media by tagging us (@itselivazquez @yesqueenlife @dayshaveronica), and using the hashtag, #RealTalkLoveTherapy.
That's it for this week's episode! Make sure you're subscribed to Real Talk Love Therapy on SoundCloud (iTunes access will be coming soon), and to the Yes Queen YouTube channel to see all the behind-the-scenes moments from our recording sessions.
We hope you liked the first episode, and that you join us this Thursday when we talk to veteran BuzzFeed producer, and Boss Queen, Becky Harris, about the eternal dilemma of choosing between a career and a relationship.
You don't want to miss this one!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
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If you like what you read, please share, like, comment, and subscribe to our email list!
Hi Queens! So if you're a fan of mine from my BuzzFeed days, then I'm sure you know that this is Pookie a.k.a Eli.
So if you didn't know this about us, the internet has pretty much been rallying for us to date each other ever since we first appeared on screen as a romantic couple in my very first spoken word video for BuzzFeed.
And listen, I get that it was a hot kiss (all of our co-workers certainly did not let us forget LOL)...
But I figured that our tumultuous marriage for a week video would be all the proof that the internet needed to say that this just wasn't meant to be.
But then as DJ Khaled would say, “we played ourselves,” when we took a DNA compatibility test in the hopes of trolling the internet, and we pretty much ended up trolling ourselves.
And even though we still refuse to date, after working on all of these different videos together, we had to at least admit that we made a pretty good team... Or at least I had to say it, let Eli object to it, and then let him come to the same conclusion a day later as if he was the one to initially come to this conclusion... #RealTalk.
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So we decided to start a podcast called Real Talk Love Therapy, where we hope to create a productive space of discussion to challenge traditionally held views about love, and redefine what it means to be a millennial navigating love, sex, and relationships from a POC perspective.
For episode 1, we figured we'd have to address our most frequently asked question, “why aren't we dating?”
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So we hope you'll join us on 5/31 when it launches! You can find it on iTunes and SoundCloud, and behind-the-scenes clips of our recording sessions on the Yes Queen YouTube channel.
Get excited, Queens!!
In love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness,
If you like what you read, please share, like, comment, and subscribe to our email list!
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About The Blog
When life gives you frogboys, you can kiss'em. You can even fuck'em. But don't you dare try and put a frogboy in a king's clothing.
Your queendom is strong enough to be run by one crown, and too valuable to pass off to frogboys because of silly things like societal pressure, nagging families, and the infamous "biological clock."
When Life Gives You Frogboys is my blog that is devoted to building care-free single queens. I hope you enjoy all my blog/vlog posts where I analyze my various (and honestly way too many) encounters with frogboys, and how I (Daysha) used the 4 Queen Commandments to become unapologetically care-free and single.
Click the button below to check out my other blog, Unapologetically Me. It's definitely a choice worth making!
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